A very good listener is ready to be totally present and targeted whereas the opposite individual is speaking. “We may be current by listening and resisting the temptation to interpret, assume, predict, or provide you with a reply whereas the individual continues to be speaking,” licensed therapist Steph Tuazon, LCSW, just lately instructed mbg.
To Tuazon’s level, you may inform you’re not really listening to the opposite individual if, whereas they’re speaking, you’re additionally interested by what you wish to say in response. If you happen to’re in your head analyzing their phrases as they’re nonetheless talking—or worse, attempting to interrupt them to insert your individual feedback—that’s a giant signal that you simply’re not listening properly.
Why? As a result of your focus is definitely on getting your individual level throughout (or proving your level proper, or proving your accomplice’s level fallacious), relatively than really understanding what’s being stated to you, and ensuring the speaker feels understood—the largest marks of a very good listener.
To know if you happen to actually perceive your accomplice’s level, Tuazon suggests attempting repeating again what you heard proper after they completed talking. If you happen to can’t repeat what they stated precisely, then you definately weren’t really listening.
One other nice check for you: After a tense dialog or argument together with your accomplice (or whoever), see if you happen to can precisely clarify their perspective to a different individual—importantly, with out your judgment, interpretation, or opinions inserted into it. Why had been they upset? What did they really say in response to particular stuff you introduced up?
“Not being current in a dialog can appear to be lacking an entire dialog,” she notes. If you happen to can’t actually give a play-by-play of their facet of the dialog, that’s a transparent signal that you simply didn’t actually perceive or internalize what they stated—in different phrases, your listening expertise might in all probability use some work.
